


crawling back to you

by prettyskylark



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 12:17:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19005637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyskylark/pseuds/prettyskylark
Summary: Inspired by the night they both perform at Micky's Vanessa gives a guy from the audience a lapdance during the Dreamgirls' performance and Brooke disappears.





	crawling back to you

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to The Clanjie, inspired by our spiral and "Do I Wanna Know" by Artcic Monkeys. Enjoy!

It’s funny how many things the reunion has changed. They’ve been dancing around each other for half a year, sometimes taking tentative steps around the edge and sometimes running full speed with their eyes closed only to drag their feet once they have to do the walk of shame to where they came from. Exchanging light jokes that mean nothing except they hold so much truth and real confessions they weight them down like boulders. Everything to avoid putting a label on whatever it is they still have going on. Not enough to stay but too much to let go. But ever since the reunion something has shifted. Maybe it was hearing the words out loud for the first time in a long time, feeling them hang in the air like a thick, dark fog that made Vanessa’s throat close up and Brooke’s eye water. Nothing is ever black or white and it was easier to say they weren’t together any more than to explain that weird emotional in-between state they found themselves in. They were both hurting for different reasons and dealing with it differently. Brooke just added it to the pile of emotional baggage that rested in the corner at the back of her mind.

Brooke’s body was vibrating with adrenaline after the performance and the unbelievable experience of the entire room chanting her name. She felt drunk on it and the two shots of tequila she had had were already making her pleasantly dizzy. She first heard rather than saw Silky and A’keria making their way to the back of the stage to start their number, Vanessa trailing behind them in a similar outfit to theirs, made out of the same fabric but each had their own silhouette that worked best with their bodies. She looked gorgeous with the exposed shoulder, and the strawberry blonde wig worked so nicely with her cinnamon-colored skin. The Dreamgirls took their places. Vanessa, as if she could physically feel someone looking at her, turned and their eyes met. She looked a little nervous, a little out of it, even given the fragile state they’ve been in for a while. Destiny’s Child started blasting through the speakers and Brooke watched as the queens began the performance. Suddenly she understood what she was about to witness. Seeing the three chairs in the middle of the stage made her stomach drop.

She turned on her heel, wanting to get away from that place as soon as possible. She knew she was not being fair, technically she had no right to be jealous. Wasn’t that what she wanted though? To be free to flirt with whoever she wanted. Vanessa had the same right. She could perform lap dances in front of every guy in the club and take home whoever she wanted and it was none of Brooke’s business. The rational side of her brain did nothing to stop the nauseating wave of anxiety sending cold chills down her spine. She called an Uber back to the hotel and waited in front of the club, the music and sounds of people whistling and yelling echoing through the night. She could only imagine what kind of a show was everyone cheering for at the moment and the hands of some faceless guy from the audience touching Vanessa, making use of the opportunity of the performance. She has never wished to have a pack of cigarettes on her more in her life.

The hotel all the queens were staying in was nice, even if it was just for one night. They were all down the hall from each other, the entire floor at their disposal. It was quiet now, with all the queens still at the club. Brooke felt almost mad at herself for not staying, knowing all of them were supposed to come out together at the end but she knew she wouldn’t have been able to look Vanessa in the eye, especially if there had been already another man on her arm. The sound of her heels got muted by the thick carpet and she didn’t even bother taking them off when she made her way to the bag resting under the table. The pack of cigarettes was already empty halfway through, even though she had promised herself to quit. She had bought it the day after the reunion, saying it was only for emergency situations. She lit the end of the cigarette and the tip flared up in the color of sunsets and their Orange Alert looks. She always loved taking the first drag, hearing the quiet sizzle and feeling the bitter taste settling on her tongue. After she was done she started getting out of drag. Her palms smelled like smoke and hotel soap when she was scrubbing her face clean from the makeup and it reminded her of all the nights they got to share in the past when she was doing the same thing, only with Vanessa sitting on the bed, already shirtless and soft between the sheets, complaining about Brooke’s smoking and tasting like ash but kissing her afterwards nevertheless.

When she finally got under the covers she knew she wouldn’t fall asleep anytime soon. The clock on the bedside table read 2:36 am already and the silence was deafening, almost louder than Brooke’s own thoughts. She was wondering what Vanessa was doing at the moment and with whom. If she had been scanning the crowd the moment she had arrived at the club to choose who she wanted to pick for the lap dance before the performance even began. If the guy fell for it and was shamelessly flirting with her, buying her drinks and making sweet promises to get her to sleep with him. Or maybe he didn’t even need to, maybe she wanted to take him to the hotel room with her all along. If Brooke would hear them walking down the corridor, Vanessa’s voice nothing but a purr as she let his hands roam over her exposed legs and—

Quiet footsteps echoed down the hall, slow, tentative, barely there but Brooke already knew who they belonged to and that there was only one person walking. She jumped out of the bed before she could stop herself before she realized it was probably a very bad idea and she didn’t know what she even wanted to do. When she opened the door she didn’t expect Vanessa to already be standing there, holding her heels in her hands, the glittery trail of her dress pooling by her bare feet.

“What’re you doing?”

“What are _you_ doing?”

“Going to my room, bitch.”

“And stopping outside of my room?”

“And you just had to open them doors right as I was passing them.”

“I heard someone. Didn’t know it was you.”

“Why d’ya leave so early? Didn’t even wait till the end of the show.”

“I wasn’t feeling great.” The second lie didn’t roll off her tongue as easily as the first one.

“You missed our performance.”

“Yeah sorry. And what a performance it was.”

“What’s that suppose to mean?”

“Nothing. I just hope you enjoyed it. I bet the guy you were grinding on did.”

“You didn’t even see shit so how d’ya know?”

“You’re right, I—”

“Is that why you left early? So you didn’t have to watch some other guy get it on with me in front of everybody since you didn’t want to?”

That struck a chord and Vanessa knew it but she seemed to have had it. There was a new fire burning in her eyes, fueled by hurt and betrayal, one she couldn’t contain anymore and Brooke hated that she was the one that put it there but she couldn’t tell her that. Couldn’t use the words that would explain everything she was truly feeling. Brooke felt so frustrated with herself for not being able to work through whatever was stopping her from enjoying this wonderful thing that they had had, for not being able to appreciate what Vanessa wanted to give her, for choosing to try to kill it herself to make it hurt less now instead of having to watch it possibly die in the future. She was also frustrated and mad at Vanessa for making it so hard to move on, for all the times she’d let Brooke kiss her since they called it off, for wanting something Brooke didn’t want to, couldn’t give her.

“Who said I didn’t want to?”

“You did, bitch. You did when you said we had to end this thing. You can’t eat the cookie and have the cookie, B, not this time. Being sneaky was cute when we was on the show but it’s different now and I can’t keep doing it like that, not when I still—”

“Why didn’t you invite the guy over?”

“You know why.”

“You could have. You can do whatever you want and I can’t stop you, you know that. You deserve someone better. You deserve the world. You deserve to move on.”

“Well, maybe I don’t want to move on.”

Vanessa dropped her heels to the floor and huffed out in frustration. She looked so small, being a head shorter than Brooke. She took a step closer towards the other queen, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. The dim light from the hallway’s wall sconces caught on the dark sequins of her dress when she shuffled her feet.

“Do _you_ want to move on?”

Brooke took that final step to close the distance between them, placed her hands on Vanessa’s jaw and pulled her in for a kiss. Vanessa tasted like tequila and Brooke still had the ashy aftertaste from the cigarettes on her tongue but neither cared. They stumbled back into Brooke’s room, their lips still on each other, hands already finding their familiar places on the other’s body. The kiss held the answer to the question still hanging in the air but asked way too many in return. They had the entire tour ahead of them to figure them out. For now, though, they had the night and each other. It was a good start.


End file.
